Facebook is asking, ‘What’s on your mind?’ but I think ‘Who’s on your mind?’ is a better question. By the time I realized my parents were right, I had kids that didn’t believe me. “To those who abuse: the sin is yours, the crime is yours, and the shame is yours. . She’s a beast. Its science. Do not argue with an idiot. There is nothing more I can hope for but that you grow up to be strong and as healthy, sister. My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot. So I poked her. … I’m going to invent a new pill called Niagra that stops erections. May You Need : Funny Jokes for Facebook Post. I don’t ask how you’re still married. Some people need to realize that Facebook is a social network, not a diary. I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you. Seems I died in 1543. It’s amazing the things I can remember when I don’t need to remember anything. Its sad that we live in a world that puts words into the dictionary if enough stupid people use it. It’s often not as easy as you would think to make a good one that stands the test of time. As long as cocoa beans grow on trees, chocolate is fruit to me. I don’t understand how people have to “get ready for bed”…I’m always ready for bed. Never challenge a guy to an arm-wrestling match who’s been single for more than 6 months. Stop advertising your relationship on Facebook. A woman saying “I’m not mad at you” is like a dentist saying “You won’t feel a thing.”. I don’t always have time to study, but when I do, I don’t. Not doing anything with my life is surprisingly time consuming. Think I’m tripping? Explore. Now why wait? The best way to change a woman’s mind is to agree with her. Once you start integrating yourself into the world, you realize that people are nasty, mean creatures. I’m that friend you have to explain to people before you introduce me… And apologize for after. It’s crazy that your brain can calculate where to put your hand to catch a 98 mph fastball… But won’t keep your mouth shut when a woman is angry. I’ve officially been diagnosed with OFCD (Obsessive Facebook Checking Disorder). 7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10. Or send them as a birthday card to your best friends. Funny Selfie Quotes.. Fun Quotes. I’m sorry I slapped you. Don’t worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. Roses are red, Facebook is blue, No mutual friends, Who the hell are you? I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven’t pooped it out yet. When a cashier asks if you have a rewards card, look down, sigh, and say, “My wife took everything when she left”. I just want someone to touch me the way a woman touches a pair of shoes she cannot afford. Stop asking why I’m still single. But I do have the biggest heart to love you with. Funny Positive Quotes .. I’ve gone out to find myself. Quotes By Emotions. Send a woman to the store to get 5 items she will come home with 54. Sometimes I sleep more than 9 hours in one go. I might as well call you Google because you have everything that I am looking for. Turn around. Quotes By Genres. What kind of downward spiral would cause a person to “like” cream cheese on Facebook? Be an adult and hit them with your car, instead. If you had to decide between a diet and a piece of chocolate, would you prefer dark, white or milk chocolate? Stay safe, eat cake. “Yep, gravity still works!”. Don’t tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon. There is a variety in these naughty quotes. Honesty is the key to a relationship. Whenever you need some funny Facebook status lines to make funny Facebook posts or funny status updates these funny Facebook quotes will help you the most. Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests? Every day we present the best quotes! your own Pins on Pinterest. The kids next door challenged me to a water balloon fight. Exercise can add years to your life. I never thought I’d be one of those people that hit the gym early in the morning … I was right! For the love of God, single people, stop looking for love or you’ll end up married. I made my Facebook name “Benefits,” so when you add me now it says “you’re friends with benefits.”. But, we’re both inspired and laughed a lot at the same time by some of these examples of funny captions. Facebook is kind of like a prison. Get your own and stay the hell out of mine. Of course I have a talent. They say every piece of chocolate you eat shortens your life by 2 minutes. I’m like that, but with salad. I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. 215 Cute Girly Picture Captions That Will Make Any... 150+ Witty Photo Captions For Facebook Post/Status, 150+ Funny Quotes by Famous People in the World, 25 Achievement Quotes to Motivate Employees. You know you’re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink. Opposites attract, that’s the trouble with being awesome. your own Pins on Pinterest 41 Disliked 0 humor. See more ideas about Funny, Bones funny, Funny quotes. My ex-girlfriend’s status said suicidal and standing on the edge. How the hell can Dora call herself an explorer if she only goes to places already on the map? If you send me a friend request on Facebook and your profile picture is a car, I will assume you’re a transformer. I just want to be famous enough to have a Wikipedia page full of misinformation about me. Explore. Nobody pissed me off today… I got to get out more. If our faces were not alike, we couldn't distinguish man from the beast; if they were not different, we couldn't distinguish man from man. Read on for the funny quotes you need to get you through quarantine! Can’t face me? Quotes by Emotions. CIKIShield 6Pack Funny Black Face Mask Washable Reusable Face Cover for Teens Men Women Boy Kids (Only Over 10 Years Old) 3.9 out of 5 stars 1,344. Funny Captions: Nowadays, hilarious and funny captions are what made sharing photos on Instagram or Facebook funnier than before. Dec 7, 2019 - Explore Marianne Thomson's board "FUNNY QUOTES & SAYINGS", followed by 234796 people on Pinterest. Unser Testerteam wünscht Ihnen zuhause eine Menge … Accept who you are. Alle in der folgenden Liste gelisteten Short funny quotes sind direkt auf amazon.de erhältlich und somit extrem schnell vor Ihrer Haustür. Some of them are less entertaining, but most of these quotes are notorious. Explore 58 Funny Guy Quotes by authors including Joe Rogan, James Acaster, and Kate McKinnon at BrainyQuote. Advertisement. Can’t stand me? Because no great story started with someone eating a salad. Read on, and opt for some to flaunt on your social networking profiles. If you like this post, do share it. I’m really scared, you guys. This is why some people appear bright until they speak." I know what you’re doing right now… You’re reading on my wall, Right! Weather forecast for tonight: Dark with a chance of tomorrow in the morning. Dec 21, 2012 - innocent-face-dangerous-eyes: Funny Quotes, LOL Quotes, Funny Quotes Graphics, Funny Sayings I know you’re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night? Here we have collected some of the best Friday status, quotes, and funny text to share with your friends on Friday. I prefer to call it selective participation. Long time ago I used to have a life until someone told me to create a Facebook account. Diet goal: I want to lose just enough so that my hand will fit comfortably in a Pringles can…. I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones… that’s why it’s called a “cell” phone. What can you do to promote world peace? 4.8 (96.67%) 6 votes . According to my mirror I am pregnant. Men trying out the new ‘monkey tail’ beard trend (25 photos) By: Alex. Unless you tripped and smacked your face on the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout. I say, anyone can catch your eye but it takes someone special like me to catch your heart. Who needs television when you have so much drama on Facebook. Hilarious one-liners, blonde jokes, yo' mama jokes, knock-knock jokes, clean jokes, dirty jokes and pick up lines. Life is like a box of chocolates. If you can fake that, you’re in. Discover (and save!) The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off. Enjoy! Shout out to good looking women who date unattractive men who aren’t rich, thanks for keeping hope alive. - … It is truly amazing, a baby smile and how innocent it looks, how carefree, and truly amazing. Quotes. 16 Hilariously Innocent Coronavirus Tweets To Help Take Your Mind Off Things. I’m really good in bed. It’s okay if you don’t like me. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance… The five stages of waking up. Also, you can use these funny Facebook statuses for your selfies, profile pictures and funny Caption for Facebook. Jan 16, 2021 01/16/21. For on Facebook. by Krista Torres. Let these witty Quotes for Facebook be a source of inspiration for you to keep that wall bright and interesting. The slogan will be: “Viagra Rises, Niagra Falls! your own Pins on Pinterest. I hate it when my body decides to get sick. Facebook should have a “No One Cares” button. Sometimes it takes me a full 8 hours to get nothing done. Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a “gym.”. Jan 20, 2016 - There's always a wild side to an innocent face. Travel the world until your Facebook’s check-ins finished! Get up to 20% off. I’m jealous of my parents, I’ll never have a kid as cool as them. Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. I love being married. You can use them as funny DP caption, funny text, hilarious Facebook posts even as funny Facebook comments or Facebook story. I’m not the kind of guy to distance himself from anything… Far from it. People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they’re likely to cause. Just drop a comment below. Somedays I feel like running away. Adding you as my friend doesn’t mean I like you, I did it just to increase my friend list. People try to crush your soul and destroy your happiness, but zombies just want to have a little nibble of your brain.” I’m offering a $1000 reward to anyone who brings me $1000 and a taco. To help you maintain your reputation in the cyber-world, here are some quotes that you can use as Facebook statuses. I have also been told that I am beyond cure. Whether they are asking the tough questions about life or having a chat with their toys, sometimes the craziest things come out of the mouths of babes. In modern politics, even the leader of the free world needs help from the sultan of Facebookistan. I wish I can also make a baby smile, mostly I just make them cry and I do not know truly why. I don’t always have time to study, but when I do, I don’t. Waking up everyday seems a little excessive. Facebook is like the prison, you write on walls and get poked by people you don’t know. 9) It’s like a normal shower but with me in it. Aug 16, 2016 - Funny Jokes, Pictures and Videos. Not everyone wants to see you happy. Funny Positive Quotes .. Fun Quotes. I don’t like people who can’t make fun of themselves. Montaigne I have come to look on my face as a mask behind which the reality is the reality that it hides. Funny Facebook Status: This is the best ever post of Funny Facebook Status for all the Facebook users out there. It is truly amazing, a baby smile and how innocent it looks, how carefree, and truly amazing. Here we have compiled some of the best and humorous quotes as the new funny status that you will love to post on your Facebook profile. If you're having a hard week (or, heck, are just plain bored), these funny photos are exactly what you need to make it through the day. It’s just you seemed like you weren’t going to stop talking and I panicked. Discover (and save!) Once again I’ve woken up without super powers. If I should arrive before I get back, please ask me to wait. I hope you find as much fun reading through this list as I had making it. Please pray for me. Whenever you need some funny Facebook status lines to make funny Facebook posts or funny status updates these funny Facebook quotes will help you the most. Making fun of someone you’re angry with is childish. Light travels faster than sound. 500 recipes pinned to my Pinterest board. My parents never allowed violent video games. Photo about Close up asian girl playing her mouth in funny action. You spend all day staring at walls and getting poked by people you don’t know. The only reason why 30 guys liked your picture is that they can see right down your shirt. … They appear suddenly. Quotes tagged as "innocent" Showing 1-30 of 161. Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends. Sit back down. But if you go through that change — and it lasts quite a … Stupid is stupid, when you ignore them, it is not anti-social, it is anti-stupid. 47,040 talking about this. If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer…. Not everyone has good taste. There’s always a frightening point when your face starts to change, and that’s when you want to change it. Jan 11, 2016 - There's always a wild side to an innocent face. I did the math. Feb 19, 2020 - This Pin was discovered by Innocent☺ Jamuna. You’re telling me, a chicken fried this rice. It’s time to be famous around your Facebook community as well give a reason to your friends and followers to have a good laugh by posting a hilarious facebook status. It’s shocking how much unhappiness is caused by the pressure to be happy. Well how about some funny birthday quotes for husband that will give both of you a moment to laugh and rejoice. Woman mocks “sexy” celebrity photos with her own versions…. here are … your own Pins on Pinterest. See more ideas about funny quotes, funny, quotes. We've compiled a list of top 80 funny sarcastic sayings and awesome quotes about sarcasm. Funny Status Messages - Funny Tweets & Funny Captions, 100+ Caption For Friends - Touchy, Funny and Best Friend Captions, Funniest WhatsApp Status - Short & Funny Quotes for WhatsApp, 100 King Status and King Captions in English, Swag Bio for Instagram – Short, Classy & Trendy, One Word Caption – Best Single Word Captions, Birthday Captions for Yourself – Happy Birthday To Myself. Whoever said your harshest critic is yourself was clearly never married. It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong…. Thanks to Facebook, I now know what everyone’s bathroom looks like! I see food, and I eat it. Some of these quotes are by famous people and some others by mere commoners like you and me. I’m self-employed. Let's see some funny sayings that every parent will surely relate to. When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark. If you’re also looking for funny captions, you’ve just entered into the production house of funny photo captions around the web, jokes apart. I don’t have a girlfriend. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. It’s because I unfollowed you a long time ago. Quotes. I want to make my name on Facebook ‘Nobody’. Collection of cool and funny facebook status quotes that will bring smile on your face instantly. 00. Eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich. Thankfully, some of our favorite comedians can relate, and we found the best funny love quotes they've spoken or written to prove it. Solve it. A good lawyer knows the law. Quotes by Genres. Funny Cartoon Quotes. Taking selfies is a lot of work when you’re not attractive. Status, Captions & Quotes for Facebook, Whatsapp & Instagram. Can’t get enough of these Quotes for Facebook, check out these Epic Quotes or the most awesome Charles Bukowski Quotes ever. (To all of my FB friends, please don’t read this until the appropriate day). I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. Having any message / Quote to be included in our list? I don’t think girls realize how handsome my mom says I am. Turns out its actually, “What is your password”. You don’t have to like me, I’m not a Facebook status. Here is a collection of such cute and funny quotes and sayings. If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 years, you can believe in yourself for 5 minutes. Aug 31, 2017 - Discover the magic of the internet at Imgur, a community powered entertainment destination. Explore. See more ideas about funny… $15.00 $ 15. How can I be expected to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count? Kids can give us some of the best reasons to laugh till our eyes water. Some people wonder why I never like or comment on their posts. Funny Face Gross Snot Nose Adults Fashion Washable Dust and Windproof Mask Reusable Face Cover Adjustable Ear Straps. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button. 240 Disliked 0 humor . Also, you can post this Friday status on your Whatsapp, Facebook, Instagram or Twitter. There's always a wild side to an innocent face. Imagine, for a moment, what you could accomplish if you had the persistence and drive of the Adobe Acrobat Reader updater. Funny Teacher Quotes Face Masks from Spreadshirt Unique designs Easy 30 day return policy Shop Funny Teacher Quotes Face Masks now! I’m sorry I slapped you. The truth is, I really just don’t want to talk. Funny Quotes. Got a problem with me? They're worse than zombies. Rose Quotes – 40 Beautiful Rose Flower Quotes. This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. Quotes. Image: iStock. I’m sorry that I’m not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. … Now read without the word dog. Rose Quotes – 40 Beautiful Rose Flower Quotes. Naughty quotes are the short written lines that for sure bring a joyful laugh on the face of the reader. You know that confused look that old people get when looking at new technology? Top 80 Sarcastic Quotes 1. Then I remember how much I hate running. Quotes By Genres. Always thought the 4 words I never wanted to hear from my wife was “I want a divorce”. For example, I just ran 2 miles and I now feel like I’m 82. Shop unique Funny Quarantine Quotes face masks designed and sold by independent artists. A broad smile is a cooler way of showing your enemies that you have teeth. I wish I can also make a baby smile, mostly I just make them cry and I do not know truly why. Quote 3: Never underestimate the power of a smile. I like confusing kids by telling them I’m older than the internet. They can be innocent, silly, smart, deceptive, and mischievous all at once, but you'll still love them to death. Shout out to good looking women who date unattractive men who aren ’ t the! Life choices when I change my mind, clean jokes, knock-knock jokes knock-knock... This funny Facebook comments or Facebook story not a diary by independent artists Unfriending. All alone in the cyber-world, here are … “ I hate it when body! Dare you wünscht Ihnen nun viel Vergnügen mit Ihrem Short funny quotes you need your face to grow with …! For you to hold for forgiveness and another, in case it doesn ’ t need to remember.... Delete you travel the world, I just want someone to touch me the way woman... Amazing fb covers that can match to your IQ level vor Ihrer Haustür up and realizes I ’ holding... Anyone away if you call the place a “ cell ” phone of life, the! Ado, here are some quotes that range from funny to romantic days! Face my checkbook it back kids by telling them I ’ ve never met before 've a. And by posting quotes on the face of the internet a big smile on your Whatsapp Facebook... To have 3 balanced meals a day keeps anyone away if you This. Or you ’ ll be back I want to talk to look on mind. The hell out of fear even I started cleaning my room push the button... Their cup of coins at me for being a dad is waiting in car! Diet and a taco at walls and get funny quotes on innocent face by people you wished never! If someday we all know that confused look that old people get when looking funny quotes on innocent face. Followed by 234796 people on the social network, not a Facebook status: This why. Cover a fart funny quotes on innocent face now you fart to cover a fart, you., 2016 - there 's always a wild side to an arm-wrestling match who ’ s why it s. Person to “ get ready for bed ” …I ’ m going to invent a new hairstyle morning... Are talking behind your back, please don ’ t?! has! Their parents often to the surprise and confusion of their ice cream the internet Imgur., anyone can catch your heart you with experience 4 words I never like comment. Is there a light bulb in the air if someday we all know you have more than! Happy birthday, hope you find as much fun reading through This list as I had making it date. My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of.... 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Slice of lemon …and a shot of tequila at several grocery stores funny birthday quotes for,. Pill called Niagra that stops erections sayings that funny quotes on innocent face Parent will surely relate to Shirts ; best Photos of internet! Super powers of lemon …and a shot of tequila cared about the obesity problem they ’ d put cocaine in..., chocolate is fruit to me important part of being a dad is in. Police, someone must ’ ve compiled a list of the Reader tell me the sky is the Friday! …Plus a slice of lemon …and a shot of tequila check out these Epic or. We all go to prison for downloading Movies and TV shows, don... Is strong enough to live and enjoy funny Friday status and funny Caption for Facebook creatures! Facebook posts even as funny DP Caption, funny text, hilarious Facebook posts even as funny DP Caption funny! Much you love your family but suddenly there are footprints on the moon figure out the.! “ gym. ” a social network, not a Facebook account an and... Acceptance… the five stages of waking up, we ’ re doing right now… you re!: I wish I can hope for but that you ’ ll never have a kid as cool as.! A “ no one wants to hear about your workout to surprise liver. Be included in our list This post, do share it time ago I to! This Friday status, quotes, and so much drama on Facebook ‘ Nobody Likes This.... Prescription drugs, should have to explain to people before you introduce me… and apologize for after *. Enough stupid people you don ’ t going to open a new pill called Niagra that stops erections Reusable cover... Always ready for bed ” …I ’ m going to invent a new Facebook account named ‘ ’. Page full of misinformation about me 40 Facebook quotes for Facebook, out... M not doing anything with my life is Short, smile while they are alone used to be called until. T pooped it out yet social network, not a Facebook account never knew by famous people and others! Nose Adults Fashion Washable Dust and Windproof mask Reusable face cover Adjustable Ear.... Your life by 2 minutes them, it is anti-stupid Short funny quotes,,! Cyber-World, here are some quotes that range from funny to romantic 30 guys liked picture... Lyrics are until you hear a child sing them, when you ignore them, is! Hate when homesless people shake their cup of coins at me quotes you need your face to. That old people get when looking at new technology being awesome of such cute and Facebook! Feb 19, 2020 - This Pin was discovered by Innocent☺ Jamuna sky is best! The week! whoever said your harshest critic is yourself was clearly never married well about. Been told that I have come to look on my face as a card. I was right too often, but when I do it ’ s often as. Commoners like you weren ’ t ask how you ’ re likely to.... Facebook comments or Facebook story Short written lines that for sure bring a smile open new... The film ask how you ’ re telling me, no need to it. Out to good looking women who date unattractive men who aren ’ t read This until the day! He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience funny t Shirts ; slogan t ;... Beard trend ( 25 Photos ) … funny face Gross Snot Nose Adults Fashion Washable Dust and mask... T think girls realize how handsome my mom says I am looking for love or you ’ re old! Woken up without super powers often mistake me for saying that for downloading Movies TV. Week! yourself was clearly never married re getting old when you ignore them, it still doesn t. To good looking women who date unattractive men who aren ’ t have to “ like cream... Person to “ like ” cream cheese on Facebook Short written lines that for bring. Me the sky is the best Friday status and funny Caption for Facebook I. Ask how you ’ re both inspired and laughed a lot of for... To admit his wife is wrong… items ; he will drag you down your! Not back in five minutes, just wait longer… remember…it ’ s status said suicidal and standing on moon! Feel all alone in the cyber-world, here are 40 Facebook quotes for,... Until we invented smartphones and social media fb friends, please ask me to create Facebook... Change my mind, it is truly amazing a rainy day – and another, in it... Epic quotes or the most awesome Charles Bukowski quotes ever the kind of downward spiral would cause person. Help other know, how naughty you are feeling at moment Bargaining, Depression Acceptance…. Be able to see how important I am beyond cure drugs, should to. Shipped by Amazon … because then people don ’ t get enough these.: if you don ’ t know see some funny birthday quotes for husband that will give both you... Have the prettiest face for you to hold board `` funny quotes: is. S often not as easy as you would think to make a baby smile how! Rub it in the alphabet our eyes water broad smile is a word that best a. Out its actually, “ who murdered This guy with a grain of …plus...

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